Monday, May 21, 2007
This emptiness in me....
Last week felt like the longest week in my life. Initially I was puzzled, coz when weekend came, my mood still did not quite improve. I was still irritable and longing for something that was missing. No, it’s not PMS. I have just realized what it was that caused it.
I went for a complete medical check-up 2 weeks ago – pap smear, blood test, mammo, as well as did a heart test – ecg, treadmill etc. Results were out. I am all OK except for the following areas:
Mammo – beast lumps. The Number of lumps have increased, so they still have to be monitored on a 6 monthly basis. This is nothing new to me, have been doing so for the last 4 years.
My Blood test showed that my haemoglobin was still a little on the low side, so I have to continue with my iron tablets but my cholesterol is really high,(this is shocking, coz the last test I did it was Ok). So now I have to change my diet and be on medication (quite a low dose, just half a tablet twice a week).
I took the change in diet in my stride, but i think that is what that has caused this emptiness in me. You see, I love my food - my crabs, prawns, foie gras, char kuay teow, tempura,ter ka,prawn noodles, etc. But this past 10 days, I have been very good. Trying to stay off fried foods, food that are high in fat, shell fish, chocolates, and other foods on the forbidden list. I have been having loads of vegetables, steamed fish, salads, juices. I think this emptiness is caused by my body craving for what it is missing. It's not that I ate all those unhealthy food on an everyday basis, but I would have one of it once or twice a week. Last sunday, when we went out for lunch, I had a vege platter (pita with some hummus,and other dips, basically a vegetarian dish). It was delicious,but I felt deprived. I watched whilst others tucked into fish and chips, crabs, etc.
Also, I seem to be hungry all the time. I am still eating the same amounts, but of different kinds of food, so I dont undrestand why I keep feeling hungry. Maybe it is the medication that is causing it, or my greedy self asking for something satisfying. I am at wits end. Dont know whether to stop this new diet, or to continue. I just cant go on like this. It is making me really miserable. What would you do if you were in my shoes?