Monday, May 21, 2007

This emptiness in me....

Last week felt like the longest week in my life. Initially I was puzzled, coz when weekend came, my mood still did not quite improve. I was still irritable and longing for something that was missing. No, it’s not PMS. I have just realized what it was that caused it.

I went for a complete medical check-up 2 weeks ago – pap smear, blood test, mammo, as well as did a heart test – ecg, treadmill etc. Results were out. I am all OK except for the following areas:
Mammo – beast lumps. The Number of lumps have increased, so they still have to be monitored on a 6 monthly basis. This is nothing new to me, have been doing so for the last 4 years.
My Blood test showed that my haemoglobin was still a little on the low side, so I have to continue with my iron tablets but my cholesterol is really high,(this is shocking, coz the last test I did it was Ok). So now I have to change my diet and be on medication (quite a low dose, just half a tablet twice a week).

I took the change in diet in my stride, but i think that is what that has caused this emptiness in me. You see, I love my food - my crabs, prawns, foie gras, char kuay teow, tempura,ter ka,prawn noodles, etc. But this past 10 days, I have been very good. Trying to stay off fried foods, food that are high in fat, shell fish, chocolates, and other foods on the forbidden list. I have been having loads of vegetables, steamed fish, salads, juices. I think this emptiness is caused by my body craving for what it is missing. It's not that I ate all those unhealthy food on an everyday basis, but I would have one of it once or twice a week. Last sunday, when we went out for lunch, I had a vege platter (pita with some hummus,and other dips, basically a vegetarian dish). It was delicious,but I felt deprived. I watched whilst others tucked into fish and chips, crabs, etc.

Also, I seem to be hungry all the time. I am still eating the same amounts, but of different kinds of food, so I dont undrestand why I keep feeling hungry. Maybe it is the medication that is causing it, or my greedy self asking for something satisfying. I am at wits end. Dont know whether to stop this new diet, or to continue. I just cant go on like this. It is making me really miserable. What would you do if you were in my shoes?


mott said...

hmmm.... i think it's great that you consciously take care of your health!

it's so hard to stay away from junk food huh....sigh...

bp said...

SAHM, poor you! I can see why it's so hard to suddenly have to give up so much. I like all the "forbidden" stuff you've listed, but like seafood, becos it's so ex here, we have cut down tremendously. So... I believe you can do it! Tell yourself you're doing this to stay healthy, for you and your family!

Meanwhile, hang in there, and when everything is back to normal (when will you be going back for another test?), maybe you can ask the doc if it's OK to have a treat once in a while.

All the best to you, but don't give up now! =)

stay-at-home mum said...

Thanks for the encouragement BP! Next test is not for 3 months :P

stay-at-home mum said...

Yes Mott, I love junk food too, tho' I dont very much of it. I try to stay healthy.