Monday, July 23, 2007

Not fair!

That is a phrase that you hear quite frequently at my home. Am I really so unfair to the kids, or are they just too petty? I would like to think the latter.

The kids love comparing and complaining about most things. Guess that's how spoilt they are. If I give one more fruits than the other, (usually because he had less vegetables at dinner - ie to compensate for the fiber) - Not fair! why do I have to eat more fruits than her? I want to have less. My response : You should be glad you have fruits to eat!!

But if it is durians or peaches(or some other fruits they like) - Not fair, why does he get more than me??!! Hey, if you want more, just let me know, I will get you more.

Why does Jie Jie have more time on the computer than me? Because she has some school projects that need computer work!! But you did not see her checking her email when she was supposed to be doing her project! Hello! She was retrieving a document from her classmate to work on, dearie!

Why does N get to go to bed so late (9pm)? When I was his age, I had to go to bed at 8pm!! Sweetie, Papi wants to train him to go to bed later, so that when he has to go to the army, he will be used to the long hours.

How come Jie Jie can go to her friends house this weekend to play and I can't? Because she is much older and can take care of herself.

Why does little D get to play with her toys while eating dinner and I can't? She is still very young, dearie. She needs the toys to keep her from leaving the dinner table. You need to learn good table manners.

How come little D is getting a new bed? I want one too! She has outgrown her crib, and needs a bed now. Yours is still quite new (<3 years). But I like her new bed better! Can she take my old bed? No, that would not be fair to mei mei! (See,even I use the phrase too!)

And the comparisons go on and on. I always tell them to count their blessings that they have certain things and not why others have more.(Like that verse that goes: I complained I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet....). I even told them, that I only first went on vacation to Japan when I was 20 years old, and they have all been there even before they turned 7, so why compare and complain.

Life is such. Like it or not, you can't have everything. Anything you have, there will always be someone with more. Accept it. Live with it. You are going to face more of it in Life.

Maybe if I stop answering them, they will stop comparing and complaining. Huh? What do you think?

12 comments:

Victor said...

I think what you are doing is right, i.e. keep explaining to your children the rationale for your actions, especially when they ask. That's how they learn.

tigerfish said...

I agree. It is such, as a kid, teenager, student....employee, boss,
Sometimes, have to compare with the less fortunate to know how fortunate one is. Compare with the better to improve yourself, but compare with the less fortunate to be more appreciative of what you have.

stay-at-home mum said...

Hi Victor
yes, but sometimes it becomes such a chore to have to keep explaining.

Hi tigerfish,
sometimes i feel the kids just dont appreciate what they have. I feel like sending them to some 3rd world country to do missionary work, then they will really learn to appreciate their blessings!

Jonzz said...

Nolar, don't ignore them for any reason.

The only reason children ask you stuff is because they look up to you. If you don't give them answers, they will start looking in other places.

stay-at-home mum said...

You have a point Jonzz. And I dont want them looking to others for answers. i want to be the one giving them the right answers.

NomadicMom said...

Same OVER at my place... Always NOT FAIR! NOT FAIR! Sometimes, I would patiently explain. Sometimes, I just BURST and scream that the only one that should scream NOT FAIR IS ME!!!!!

Bkworm said...

i don't have that much of a problem with my kids because of their nine years age difference. i think explaining it to them is a good thing, maybe reminding them of their separate blessings...like when jie-jie has something extra or different for one occasion, the younger one also gets her turn another time. what do you think?

FireHorse said...

Err....I only have one so he hardly ever says not fair except when we go shopping and i drag him around to look at my stuff more than his.

Judy said...

Same here lah. I think until they get married, still complain not fair.

Sometimes my daughter even dare compare what her friends get, blah4. I told her if that is the case, she had better go and find another set of parents wor. That shuts her up! :)

Eh, stay-at-home mum, not fair one, everytime I am like one of the last to comment because when I get time to read, you and a lot of your blogger friends are in bed already. :P

stay-at-home mum said...

Wah, Nomadic mom - u sound a bit like me. I also burst out sometimes.

HI Bookworm - they do have their "specials" but they forget. They want it when the other gets it. Not fair right, I not made of money.

Eh, Firehorse, not fair, you dont have that problem.

Hey Judy, you must wake up earlier, la. Heheheee.

bp said...

Oh no, I beat Judy to it, to being the last to comment... and it's becos I'm still awake... hehe!

Down here, it's "no fair" but coming from British English S'pore, I sometimes tell my boys it should be "not fair!". Like you, I am up to my earlobes with these two words, and I also tell them, "But that's life!" and it's always going to be "not fair".

stay-at-home mum said...

Hi BP
Better late than never. Thanks for coming by.